The Challenge

Are you up for the challenge? What happens when it is all done? What are you left with yourself? And this job it sucks and it does not fill me. And all my love it sucks and it does not fill me... And when I got to put the pieces together they do not fit and I come up empty. I wish I could be all laid back with my mind on my money and my money on my mind like snoop dog it works for him. He does not give a fuck he lives in the moment the checks roll in and the bitches line up and he is conducting some damn good business. He does not over think things... Probably does not care who he walks over on his way to the top... That is why I should be all gangsta n’ shit... I think I need something that is so fucking intense that I can't think five minutes in front of me like running a marathon and your body aches and you think you just can't take it anymore and it is totally consuming... or someone dying in your arms Like when there is just a line of things in front of you and all you can think of is how the hell am I am going to get all this shit done.. That is what I need a line... and big mother fucking line of people all screaming at me to do something and then when I do it... I can feel great like I changed something like it made some sort of difference like it was all for something not just so time passing and it can be measured in something like success no matter how petty it is... I wonder if they go home and feel filled or if everyone stills feel fucking empty... I wish I believed in a god and if there was one it would fill me... Like how it does my grandmother and how they can turn to it for guidance when there is no light and I wish I could believe in a god and if I did he could save me from myself or just make me live better with myself.. Or just do things for his reasons not for my own... But I do not know if I would like to live my life scared with the lights out afraid to walk alone at the end of the day... but either way I am terrified that my own echo will someday be the only thing that comes to comfort me.